


Love Sees Clearly

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: It's floof, M/M, PTSD, Snooping, body image issues, seriously not as bad as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 09:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16741099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Bucky sneaks a peak in Steve's notebook as he sleeps





	Love Sees Clearly

The door sounded in the hallway but Bucky didn’t turn away from his task in the kitchen. He knew who it was. He had heard Steve coming up the stairs even before he had ever reached the door, just like Bucky was sure Steve knew he was home before Bucky called out to him.

“Hi,” Bucky greeted, still with his attention fixed the chopping board. He smiled though as he felt Steve come up behind him, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. Steve’s hands ran over his chest and his head came to rest on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Hi. What are you making?” Steve asked in almost a whisper and Bucky couldn’t help but lean back into Steve a little. Moments like this felt so good. So normal, just like nothing had ever happened and they were still just the Steve and Bucky that had in shaky terrified voices confessed their love for each other before war had torn them apart.

“Ham-stuffed steaks with broccoli, carrots and mashed potatoes,” Bucky answered casually but felt a small pinch of pride when he heard Steve suck in a breath.

“Jesus Bucky. It’s a good thing the serum is keeping me from getting fat,” he teased, and Bucky couldn’t help but sass him back as he turned his head to look into the beautiful blue eyes right in front of his face.

“But it does. Which is also means you got zero reasons to wake me up at the asscrack of dawn every goddamn morning to go running with birdbrain,” Bucky grinned and Steve frowned.

“I don’t wake you.”

“You know Stevie. Stealth was never your strong suit. The couple next door knows when you are leaving,” Bucky laughed, pressing his lips against Steve’s in a tender kiss before wriggling free of his hold.

“Go relax and watch TV or something,” Bucky shooed Steve out of the kitchen under protest, but Steve still did as he was told. Bucky liked cooking on his own. Steve knew that and he would never protest too hard to giving Bucky his space.

Sometimes Bucky wished he would though. As much as Bucky liked being on his own, the quiet was also his biggest enemy at times. It was when he was on his own his mind began to race. Sometimes it was calm and still, just what he needed but not today. Steve had barely left before his mind began betraying him.

Bucky thought back to the time before the war, or he tried to at least. A lot of the memories were there now again thanks to Shuri, but he still felt a strange disconnect. He knew it was his memories. Everything had strong emotions attached, especially the memories of Steve. He still felt disconnected to them somehow though. Like he stood outside looking in and the person in his memories wasn’t really him.

Bucky had mostly come to term with that, but sometimes he wondered if Steve truly had. Steve had loved him back then when Bucky was worth loving. Sometimes Bucky wondered if that was the reason they were here today. He knew Steve still loved him. He felt that. He wasn’t just with Bucky out of loyalty. Steve was with him because he wanted to be.

Still, Bucky sometimes couldn’t help but wonder which Bucky it was that Steve loved. He wasn’t even sure who he was himself half the time so how could Steve love who he was now? He couldn’t help but fear that Steve was still waiting for the old Bucky to return, which was the only thing Bucky was sure would never happen. He wasn’t that guy anymore and as much as he sometimes wanted too, he couldn’t go back. Only forward.

Bucky managed to shake the gloominess just as he finished cooking and he headed into the living room still determined to have a nice night with Steve. They had barely seen each other this week, with Steve being away on a mission for a few days and dealing with the debriefs and paperwork that came with it after. Bucky had missed him.

A small smile spread across Bucky’s face when he saw Steve half sitting and half lying on the couch sound asleep. The pencil he had been holding was on the couch next to him and his sketchbook was lying face down on the floor.

“Punk,” Bucky mumbled softly and affectionately to himself as he moved the pencil from the couch to the table before bending over to pick up the notebook. Bucky didn’t mean to spy. Steve kept his drawings to himself and Bucky respected his privacy even if he was more than a little curious about it sometimes.

It wasn’t his intention to look, but as he picked up the book his eyes landed on the piece Steve had been working on and he froze. It showed Bucky standing in the kitchen with his hair pulled back in a bun, with a focused look on his face as he chopped vegetables. Just the way he had probably looked to Steve when he had come home earlier.

Bucky’s eyes were locked on the drawing as he tried to make sense of his own emotions. It was a simple drawing, but it was so raw and real. Bucky knew he shouldn’t but his fingers flipped the pages of the book before he had a chance to stop himself. It was filled with drawings of himself.

Some from his time in Wakanda working on the farmland, but most from after Bucky had returned home to New York with Steve after the war. Bucky felt as if he for the first time saw who he was now as he flicked through the pages. He saw himself wearing a wild look in his eyes, with mushy hair after a nightmare. He saw himself sleeping peacefully and naked on their bed as the sunlight reflected on his skin from the window. He saw his own scars and imperfections, all portrayed with so much love and care. He saw himself in happy moments walking the farmer’s market, reading on the couch, throwing his head back in laughter no doubt because of something Steve had said. He saw someone flawed, imperfect but loved and adored by the man that had held the pencil.

The tears started to press against Bucky’s eyes as he quickly closed the book. Bucky hadn’t meant to spy and as guilty as he felt that he had, he was still glad he did. It had allowed Bucky to see himself through Steve’s eyes. Steve wasn’t waiting for Bucky to heal. He just loved. He saw Bucky who he had been but also who he had become and he stayed because he loved every part of him.

Bucky quickly put the sketchbook down on the coffee table, stubbornly drying his eyes, but his newfound smile didn’t leave his face as he knelt down next to Steve. Bucky gently brushed his knuckles over his cheek, making Steve’s eyes flutter open. The sleepy look in his eyes was adorable and only served Bucky’s smile to grow as he leaned in to kiss Steve fully awake. It was a kiss filled with love and hope for the future. A kiss that left Steve utterly breathless as Bucky pulled back with a wide grin on his face.

“Dinner is ready,” Bucky announced before taking a deep breath, letting the words slip from his lips he had been playing with in his head for centuries but never been able to form out of fear of rejection or perception he wasn’t worthy to utter them.

“Marry me?”


End file.
